Sermon: Sunday, 30th March, 2025
Speaker: John Johnstone
Scripture: Ephesians 4:31-32
Most of us know the saying that if you find the perfect church then don’t join it because you’ll ruin it. Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect church. Churches are made up of sinners who are saved by God’s grace. Even as Christians, as changed people, new creations, we will still upset one another and become angry with one another. However, we must strive with God’s help to be as loving a church as we can be. We saw how important that is a few weeks ago, when Jesus said: ‘By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’ (John 13:35) Our attitude of love one towards the other is the distinguishing mark of the Christian. This morning we are returning to the last item in our 7-part vision statement: ‘To grow closer as a loving church family, through mutual support and practical care.’ It would be easy for us to just gloss over this line and then, well of course churches must be places where everyone is loved and cared for. We do that don’t we? But it is not as easy as all that.
1. Why is it so hard to be a supportive and loving church?
If it was easy then Christians wouldn’t leave churches in a huff. If it was easy to love one other then churches would be gossip-free and anger-free zones, but they are not. If it was easy to care for everyone well in our church then no one would be missed out in the care and everyone would be involved. But we are far from perfect. Sometimes whole churches split and people fall out after taking sides.
Why is it so hard to support and care for one another? Why is it so hard to maintain the unity of a church and for people not to fall out? In the old days, we used to speak about ‘the world, the flesh and the Devil’ as the enemies of the soul and three reasons why progress in the Christian life is so hard. Let’s think briefly about the world, the flesh and the Devil, in reverse order.
The last thing Satan wants is for us to be a loving church family. He is at work in every single church trying to cause disunity amongst its members. If we want to help Satan do this, then let’s be angry with one another. ‘In your anger do not sin’: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.’ (Ephesians 4:26-27) There is a real Devil, and even when we begin to nurture some angry feelings, it gives him a ‘foothold’ and he becomes hard to dislodge.
Next, we all know how easy it is for us to react in all kind of damaging ways when we feel someone has hurt us. Paul has to command us to: ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice’ verse 31), because he knows these things lurk in the heart of every Christian. They lurk in my heart, so I must be on guard.
And finally there’s the ‘world’ which means the world in its rebellious attitude to the ways of God. Whilst God calls us to forgive one another, some would give the opposite advice. For example, if someone hurts you just blank them. Ignore them. You can do without that! Surround yourself with people who affirm you! The ball is in their court to make the first moved- they wronged you, not the other way around! Let’s be honest, people fall out with each other all the time, and the church is not immune from those kind of worldly reactions. In fact, they come naturally to us. This passage reminds us that when others hurt us, we must respond in a different way. And that’s harder.
Why should we respond in a different way? ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ (Ephesians 4:32) God has been kind to us and that’s why we must be kind to one another. God has had compassion on us. He looked at us in all our brokenness and sin and guilt and lostness with sympathy. So, we must look at fellow sinners with sympathy. And Christians are people who know they don’t deserve God’s forgiveness and yet amazingly he offers us that forgiveness even though it necessitates the death of his Son. We are forgiven people and so we must be forgiving people. It’s the gospel which transforms how we react when others hurt us.
How do you become a Christian? Only when we pray to Jesus and say sorry for messing up so badly, and thanking him for loving us and dying on the cross for us. We know we cannot sort out our own lives but need God’s help, and we trust in Jesus to change us. When we trust in Jesus, we become new people, new creations. We receive a power we never had before, God’s Holy Spirit.
Put simply, God’s Holy Spirit inside us helps us to change over time, usually gradually. The Spirit enables us to get rid of more and more which belongs to our past lives and to put to death the things which are unlike Jesus. And positively, the Spirit helps us to develop the character of Jesus in our own lives. We, over time, think and behave more like him. It’s not enough for Christians just to try to stop doing wrong things; they must also, in God’s strength, seek to do good, just as Jesus did. Every day is a school day for Christians. Because every day we must take off the dirty clothes from our old ways and put on the new clothes which Jesus supplies.
2. Each day involves taking off and putting on
If a mechanic is going to a wedding, he must take off his oily work clothes. But that’s not enough. He must put on his wedding clothes – a kilt or his best suit. Both taking off and putting on are needed. That’s the picture we have here in Ephesians chapter 4: ‘You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.’ (Ephesians 4:22-24) This picture of taking off and putting on is so important because it describes what ordinary Christians should be focusing on doing day by day.
I also love the illustration of gardening. In order to have a beautiful garden, each day you must weed out the things which are harmful and not meant to be there. But that is not enough. You must also plant what is beautiful in the garden. You must do both. Are you doing both? Perhaps you are someone who overstresses the negative and you’re always thinking of Christianity as don’t do this and don’t do that. That is part of it. But what about the positives of seeking justice and helping others and sharing your faith? Then there are people who just focus on the positive, but aren’t so good at identifying the sins lurking in their own lives and dealing with them. Friends, let’s burn this image into our minds – every day is a day for taking off dirty clothes spiritually speaking, and putting on clean ones. And we can only do it prayerfully, depending on the Spirit to work within us.
Verse 25 makes it clear that it’s not enough just to stop speaking falsehood – we must also speak the truth. In verse 28 we read that it’s not enough just to stop stealing, but positively we must work hard, not so we can buy luxuries, but so that we can share with those who are in need. But today our focus is how Christians are to react when someone wrongs us or hurts us. We’re told we must not harbour bitterness in our hearts and react in sinful anger. That might sound hard enough for you! But the Lord goes beyond that with the positive. Yes, we must stop reacting in anger to such people, but we must also treat them with kindness and compassion and forgiveness. These verses are counter-cultural in many ways. What should our church be like? It should be full of people who don’t retaliate when they are mistreated, but rather consider how they can be a blessing to the one who has wronged them. This is a supernatural response, because it is only possible with the help of God, but we are still responsible to choose this path, instead of the path of anger and retaliation. And as we choose the path of kindness, compassion and forgiveness, the precious unity of the church family is maintained and Satan doesn’t get a foothold.
This radical call of how to respond to others when they hurt us is beautifully illustrated by Joseph in the book of Genesis. He was hated by and deeply wounded by his brothers. Their jealousy of Joseph was so great that they wished he was dead and sold him into slavery – their own brother. Joseph lost a colossal amount: his family home, his language and culture and his freedom. If anyone had a right to be bitter and angry, you might think it would have been Joseph. I believe Joseph might well have wrestled with feelings of resentment and anger. However, he makes a choice in God’s strength not to retaliate, even know he had great power and would have been able to do so. He chooses a different path than bitterness and anger. Not only does Joseph forgive his brothers, but he also treats them with kindness and compassion.
‘Joseph also provided his father and his brothers and all his father’s household with food, according to the number of their children.’ (Genesis 47:12)
‘You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.’ And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.’ (Genesis 50:20-21)
Friends, Joseph took off bitterness and anger and put on kindness, compassion and forgiveness.
3. How not to respond when we are hurt
Let’s take a closer look at this negative list of reactions in verse 31. Bitterness is when we refuse to be reconciled with the person who wronged us. Instead, we keep on thinking about how we have been mistreated. It is a valuable thing when we have files of our favourite photos on our laptop or pc, and from time to time we open them up and look at them and precious memories flood back. But imagine we had photos of times when people hurt us and we kept on clicking on them and mulling over what happened. Would that be helpful for us? And yet sometimes we do just that and we become bitter. Proverbs gives us some crucial advice here: ‘Whoever would foster love covers over an offence, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.’ (Proverbs 17:9) When we replay the incident in our minds, we repeat the matter to ourselves. We also repeat the matter by bringing it up again and again to the person who wronged us, and also repeating the matter to others, which is gossip. Haven’t we all repeated the matter and strained a friendship? Why not choose instead to foster love by covering over an offence?
Perhaps there’s someone at home or in the church and you have become embittered towards them. This is something you need to do something about. This kind of resentment leads to all other kinds of things: rage and anger and brawling and slander and malice. When bitterness takes root in our hearts, it becomes far easier to lose our self-control with someone and fly off the handle in a rage. And the more we do that, this behaviour can become habit-forming. Brawling is when we might start shouting or tell someone to ‘Get out!’ This negative anger often leads to slander. We use our words to attack the person who wronged us, through nasty cutting words. If we know the person well we might know how to strike a low blow. And the tragedy of choosing the response of bitterness is this: often our angry and reactive behaviours are actually worse than the original thing which was done to us. We have stooped down to their level, or worse. And ultimately we are harming ourselves, because becoming a bitter person makes us unattractive and will even impact our physical and mental health. So, if there is someone you need to forgive, then sort it out as soon as possible.
But far worse than harming ourselves is this fact: it grieves God the Holy Spirit. ‘Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God…’ (Ephesians 4:30) Here’s the thing, by choosing the path of anger instead of kindness and forgiveness, you are actively resisting the path the Holy Spirit is prompting to take and you are grieving Him. He is displeased. He is disappointed with us. The triune God is in perfect unity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. No wonder then disunity hurts him. Have you ever thought about that before? I think many of us forget we are indwelt by the Spirit. He is our permanent lodger.
4. How the Spirit wants us to respond when wronged
In Luke’s Gospel we read: ‘So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.’ The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’ (Luke 17:3-5)
In his book called ‘Forgive’, Tim Keller draws our attention to the 3 words ‘so watch yourselves’. He reminds us that so often when we are wronged, we focus all our attention on the person and what they have done. Jesus does not. He says ‘Watch your own heart’. Jesus knows how hard we find it to forgive others and how easy we find an angry response. Let’s take this practical lesson into our own lives. The next time someone wrongs you, would you be willing to watch your own heart’s response? That’s what Jesus calls us to do.
It’s not enough for us to refrain from reacting in anger. We must do far more than that: ‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ (Ephesians 4:32) Dan Hamilton says this: ‘Forgiveness is more than a matter of refusing to hate someone. It is also a matter of choosing to demonstrate love and acceptance to the offender…’ That’s challenging! And it requires great humility on our part. But friends, we ought to be humble if we understand the gospel.
The gospel informs us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. We owed God a debt so large that we could not begin to pay it. We messed up enormously. God reacted to us in kindness, compassion, and by forgiving us. And so we must react to one another like this. Not to do so is a sign that perhaps we have never really been saved and have never understood just how great a debt we owe to God. So when someone lets you down, don’t ignore them or write them off or retaliate. Instead, show kindness towards them. And when hurt by someone, don’t just feel sorry for yourself. Instead, show them compassion, because like them, you also hurt others and you also let people down.
Can we really blame other people for our anger and resentment?
Jerry Bridges:‘In facing up to our anger we need to realise that no one else causes us to be angry. Someone else’s words or actions may become the occasion of our anger, but the cause lies deep within us- usually our pride, or selfishness or desire to control’
When we come back to the cross of Christ, it becomes harder to refuse to forgive. ‘…forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ (Ephesians 4:32) How did God forgive us? He forgives us fully and freely. He doesn’t brood over our confessed sins or cast them up in our faces. He always forgives us when we repent and ask him to, no matter how great the sin. Are we willing to do the same? Surely the well-known parable of the unmerciful servant should be enough for us to see that because Christians are a forgiven people, we must be a forgiving people. God in Christ has forgiven our astronomical debt and so we must forgive others who owe us far smaller debts. Really, this is basic Christianity: in the Lord’s Prayer we pray: ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.’ (Matthew 6:12)
In Kirkcaldy Free Church, as in all churches, there will be differences of opinion, personality clashes, wrong thoughts and words and actions and various tensions which arise because we are all still sinners this side of eternity. The question is, when this happens, how will we respond? Will we respond with humility. Will we remember how God has treated us? Or will we become bitter and bring division into the church and into our families?
‘Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’ (Ephesians 4:32)